all you need is love.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I cannot think of a more appropriate person to write about than my grandma, who passed away about a month ago. I know this is delayed, and I keep sitting down to write something, but nothing has been good enough. Nothing is worthy. I can’t convey all of my love and admiration and sadness and happiness into words. And I know nothing I write will ever perfectly explain how amazing my grandma was, or how much I loved and looked up to her, or how much I’m going to miss her. But I’d rather try to say something than not say it at all.
My grandma was my role model. She was one of those people that made you question how someone could be so perfect. She never said a bad word about anyone. She never swore, I only saw her lose her temper twice (both times when my sisters and I were acting completely inappropriate), and she was always thinking of others. She was the definition of selfless, and the most generous person I’ve ever known, even to people I would think might not deserve it. I don’t need to list all of her wonderful attributes here (nor do I have the room), but at her wake, when a somewhat disheveled couple came to pay their respects, I was curious. My grandma lived in a small town and it’s rare to see people you don’t recognize. Afterwards, my mom told me that the woman was a student of grandma’s many years ago, and she told my mom that my grandma had always looked after her, giving her special attention, as she did many of the less fortunate children in her class. The woman told my mom that my grandma used to pick her up for school in the mornings when she’d see her walking on the side of the road. Probably some 30 years later, the affect my grandma had on this lady’s life had not been forgotten.
Likewise, I will never forget the important lessons my grandma taught me. Two, in particular, jump out.
Do What You Want
My whole life I’ve hated red meat. But coming from a line of cattle farmers, that never went over well with my parents. Becoming a vegetarian was a battle I could never win. Until I was maybe 10 and went to stay with my grandma for a week. “I hate meat and want to be a vegetarian,” I told her. “You can do whatever you want,” she replied. “I want to eat pancakes for every meal the whole time I’m here,” I told her. (The problem with me becoming a vegetarian was I also hated fruits and vegetables—basically I just wanted to carbo-load.) “Ok,” she said. And not only did I eat just pancakes for every meal that week, but my grandma ate them with me. She even let me lick the syrup off my plate afterwards. And I believe she did it, too. (Although my mom asked her if that was true once and she denied it. Perhaps it was meant to be our little secret.) The idea of fun was never lost on my grandma.
People Are Good
My whole life I’ve been in love with France, and it’s because of the stories my grandma would tell me. When I started taking French in sixth grade, I immediately changed her name to “grandmere.” Even in her last days, when it took her a while to register who I was, she would ask, “Are you speaking French to me?” when I greeted her.
When I was young, we started planning our trip to Paris. Several years ago when I was in college, after she was diagnosed with cancer, I remember receiving a letter from her, saying she was probably too sick now to ever take our dream trip. Although I had always presumed the trip was just a fantasy shared by a grandmother and granddaughter, I was saddened, and vowed I would still make it to Paris. When I did go at age 20, she was with me everywhere. I spent a day at the Cathédrale Notre Dame and inscribed her name in the prayer book. I remember several times being so excited by everything I was seeing, and being so overwhelmed by the fact that this city was one of our many bonds, that I tried calling her from a pay phone. But every time the call wouldn’t go through and I couldn’t understand what the operator was trying to tell me. When I got back to London, she was the first person I called. She was so excited to hear everything I had to say, you could hear the energy in her voice. It was as if she had been in Paris with me the whole time. And I’ll never forget, after I finished telling her about all of the amazing museums I went to, and the food I ate, and the adventures I had, she said, “Do you just find that people are good no matter where you go?” I’ll never forget that. How many people have that outlook on life? It’s so easy, especially here in New York, to get annoyed with even the people who stop in front of you in the middle of the sidewalk. But my grandma loved people, she always saw the best in everyone, and she always believed everyone was good.
So the best way I can think to honor my incredible grandma is to practice these lessons in my daily life. To love each other a little stronger and try to understand each other a little better; to have a little more fun and worry a little bit less each day. In the name of Grandma Virg.
